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미국 대학/대학원 Personal Statement Editing Service by a Harvard Law School Student

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실제 클라이언트 샘플:

Law School Personal Statement 

 

Paragraph 1

 

I am a thinker, but not one to think out loud. I love myself, but am not in love with the sound of my own voice. I want to be loved, but not at the cost of not loving myself. I want to know everything, but realize that nothing can ever be known for sure. I believe that nothing is absolute, but I can absolutely defend my beliefs. I understand that chance is prevalent in all aspects of life, but never leave anything important to chance. I am skeptical about everything, but realistic in the face of my skepticism. I base everything on probability, but so does nature...probably.

 

Comments for Paragraph 1

 

Asha Rangappa, the former Dean of Admissions at Yale Law School, once wrote several blog posts called “Ask Asha” about writing a successful Personal Statement that she has deleted now (she was extremely straight-forward with her advice and this generated some controversy at the time). While you can no longer find her posts on Google, I’ve luckily saved them here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FxaIUbALmqhLndqlfMMMFCm8ZT-TSbi7VjX7Hcmjf14/edit

 

I’ll mostly adhere to Asha’s advice because it helped me finally get into Harvard Law after being wait-listed several times despite having the “right” numbers. What was different was how I approached the personal statement. You might think law schools only care about numbers and that personal statements are just a formality. But understand the transformative power of a well-crafted personal statement. It’s more than just an academic formality it's a canvas for your voice and a mirror of your potential contributions to the law community.

 

Your opening paragraph showcases a thoughtful and introspective nature, highlighting a balance between self-awareness and curiosity. However, as Asha advised, effective writing should "show, not tell." Your current approach leans heavily on telling us who you are rather than showing us through vivid narratives.

 

Given that personal statements are often the deciding factor among candidates with similar academic credentials, yours needs to evoke an emotional response and demonstrate your ability to articulate a compelling story. Remember, a law school not only seeks scholars but storytellers and advocates who can bring the law to life. To revamp your opening paragraph, I suggest you pinpoint a pivotal experience that encapsulates your reflective disposition. For instance, was there a defining moment when your belief system was challenged, or an event that solidified your perspective on the role of chance in life?

 

Let’s use our next Zoom session as a creative workshop. I'll take on the role of an investigative journalist or talk show host, channeling the spirit of Oprah to delve deep into your experiences. Our goal will be to unearth the stories that will bring dimension and color to the attributes you’ve listed. This exercise will not only prepare you for potential interviews but will also help us to craft a narrative that truly resonates with the admissions committee. 

 

Paragraph 2

 

I believe that all our actions are determined, but feel completely free to do as I choose. I do not believe in anything resembling a God, but would never profess omniscience with regard to such issues. I have faith in nothing, but trust that my family and friends will always be faithful. I feel that religion is among the greatest problems in the world, but also understand that it is perhaps the ultimate solution. I recognize that many people derive their morals from religion, but I insist that religion is not the only fountainhead of morality. I respect the intimate connection between morality and law, but do not believe that either should unquestioningly respect the other.

 

Comments for Paragraph 2

 

Here's what Asha (Yale Law School) says about personal statement topics: “What you choose to write about (and not write about) says a lot about what you think is important, so make sure to choose your topics wisely.” Someone who writes about disappointments can “give a mistaken impression of your priorities.”

 

Asha’s advice underscores the significance of topic selection in personal statements, suggesting that your chosen subjects reflect your core values. It's essential, therefore, to contemplate not only what your narrative reveals about you but also how it aligns with the ethos of the legal profession, which prizes empathy and a commitment to justice.

 

In light of this, your exploration of atheism and skepticism about organized religion opens a window into your philosophy. However, it's worth considering how this stance interacts with the compassionate qualities that law schools admire in applicants. Elite institutions are increasingly drawn to candidates who combine intellectual rigor with a genuine concern for societal welfare. Does this paragraph effectively communicate warmth and a dedication to serving others?

 

Furthermore, if your philosophical views significantly shape your understanding of the law or your motivation to pursue legal studies, it is crucial to articulate this relationship. Sharing a powerful, personal story that connects your beliefs to a broader legal or social issue could provide the narrative depth that admissions committees look for.

 

It's also essential to reflect on the tone of your statement. Law schools are bastions of diverse thought, seeking students who can thoughtfully engage with a spectrum of beliefs. The tone of your discussion on religion could be perceived as dismissive of views that differ from your own. In the spirit of diversity and inclusion, which law schools actively promote, it would be advantageous to reframe this discussion to emphasize open-mindedness and respect for a variety of moral compasses. Can you draw upon an experience where engaging with differing beliefs has led to growth or a greater understanding of the complex world we navigate, particularly as it pertains to the law?

 

Consider framing your perspectives in a manner that respects and appreciates this diversity, showcasing how your unique viewpoints can contribute to and enhance the law school community and, ultimately, the practice of law. Rather than asserting the primacy of your beliefs, you might discuss how your understanding of morality and the law has evolved and how you envision it informing your approach to legal challenges.

 

Incorporating these elements will not only align your personal statement more closely with the attributes that law schools value but will also provide a richer, more textured portrait of who you are as a prospective law student."

 

Paragraph 3

 

I want to study the law and become a lawyer, but I do not want to study the law just because I want to become a lawyer. I am aware that the law and economics cannot always be studied in conjunction, but I do not feel that either one can be properly studied without an awareness of the other. I recognize there is more to the law than efficiency, but believe the law should recognize the importance of efficiency more than it does. I love reading about law and philosophy, but not nearly as much as I love having a good conversation about the two. I know that logic makes an argument sound, but also know that passion makes an argument sound logical. I have philosophical beliefs informed by economics and economic beliefs informed by philosophy, but I have lost track of which beliefs came first. I know it was the egg though.

 

Comments for Paragraph 3 

 

Asha (Yale Law School) says: “Good lawyers don't argue, they construct good arguments… for you to show me that you'll be a good lawyer, you have to make a good argument for yourself through your personal statement.  This is done not by asserting that you possess certain (unverifiable) skills, but by illustrating through experiences, influences, and ideas that you have the qualities that we want to see in future lawyers from Yale—critical thinking, intellectual curiosity, substantive interests, the ability to see different points of view, to name a few.”

 

Your paragraph is intellectually stimulating, but it's essential to anchor your assertions in concrete experiences that demonstrate your critical thinking, passion for dialogue, and how these have prepared you for a legal education. A well-constructed argument does not merely list qualities or interests to convey but substantiates them through lived experiences and thoughtful reflections.

The current paragraph, while insightful, reads as a series of assertions about your interests and beliefs. From start to beginning (literally), it is about (please see my yellow highlights) what you “want” and what you “believe” in and what you “love” and “know.”

 

But how can we verify that?

 

Note how counsels against “asserting that you have the qualities” law schools want as they’re “unverifiable.” So rather than telling us what you know about the interplay between logic and passion in argumentation, show us through an anecdote where these dual forces were at play in your life. How have these dual insights into logic and passion informed an actual debate or decision-making process you were involved in?

 

In doing so, remember that the most effective personal statements are those that offer a glimpse into the candidate's character and potential contribution to the law school community. By integrating a compelling story or life episode that reflects your journey, challenges faced, and lessons learned, you will provide the admissions committee with a vivid understanding of who you are and the unique attributes you bring to the table.

 

Paragraph 4

 

I always think very practically, but do not always like to think about the practical. I have wanted to be a scientist for a while now, but it took me two undergraduate years to figure out that being a scientist does not necessarily entail working in a laboratory. I play the saxophone almost every day, but feel most like an artist when deduction is my instrument. I spent one year at a college where I did not belong and two years taking classes irrelevant for my major, but I have no regrets about my undergraduate experience. I am incredibly passionate about my interests, but cannot imagine being interested in only one passion for an entire lifetime.

 

Comments for Paragraph 4

 

Asha (Yale Law School) writes: “Making a legal oral argument, like any skill, is one you can learn . . .  By contrast, we can't teach aspects of character, so getting those to shine through in your personal statement is much more important from an admissions perspective.” 

 

Asha highlights the significance of character in the personal statement, suggesting that it's not merely the skills but the depth of character that law schools are eager to understand and see reflected in applicants. Your paragraph begins to sketch a portrait of a multifaceted individual, but to truly resonate with an admissions committee, it's essential to draw clearer connections between your varied experiences and the characteristics they have helped you develop.

 

Your foray into science and daily engagement with music suggest a blend of analytical prowess and creative expression, qualities that are indeed pertinent to the practice of law. However, illustrating these traits through specific instances or achievements will provide a stronger foundation for your claims.

 

Furthermore, your experience in an environment where you felt out of place is a fertile ground to showcase resilience and the ability to thrive amidst challenges. Transforming this experience into a story of personal growth will demonstrate adaptability—a trait that is invaluable in law.

 

It's crucial to articulate a consistent character theme throughout your statement. In our upcoming Zoom session, let's delve into the episodes of your life that have defined your character. We’ll explore these experiences to uncover a central narrative that weaves together your practical mindset, artistic inclination, and intellectual curiosity, creating a compelling case for your candidacy in law school.

Consider how each of your interests and experiences have not only shaped your worldview but also prepared you for the multifaceted nature of legal studies and practice. We want to emerge from our discussion with a clear character profile and a narrative that encapsulates your unique attributes, ready to engage with the rigorous demands and rich opportunities of a legal education.

 

Paragraph 5

 

I love the Yankees, but do not hate the Red Sox. I love sports, but hate the accompanying anti-intellectual culture. I may read the newspaper starting from the back, but I always make my way to the front eventually. I am liberal on some issues and conservative on others, but reasonable about all of them. I will always be politically active, but will never be a political activist. I think everything through completely, but I am never through thinking about anything.

 

Comments for Paragraph 5

 

Asha writes:” A good personal statement provides a coherent narrative of what has brought you to this point (in your life, of applying to law school, or a combination of these two)… We get an idea of who you are, what's gone on in your life, and - - implicitly or explicitly - - why you applied to law school…why law school might be a logical next step.”

 

While personal interests can add depth to your profile, I would advise that you connect your interests to your aspiration to study law. For instance, how does your balanced appreciation for rival sports teams reflect your approach to legal conflict?

 

I would also recommend replacing general statements with specific examples that demonstrate how being "reasonable" about various issues has led you to a deeper understanding or a particular action, especially in a legal context.

 

Remember elite U.S. law schools’ increasing push for diversity and inclusion? Rather than stating a dislike for the "anti-intellectual culture" in sports, consider discussing how you engage with sports in a way that aligns with your intellectual values, perhaps by analyzing sports law or ethical issues in athletics.

 

The last sentence could be perceived as vague. It would be beneficial to illustrate what it means to be "never through thinking about anything" with an example of a time when this characteristic was particularly important or beneficial. Clarify what you mean by being politically active but not an activist. I would suggest showing how your political engagement has informed your understanding of the law and your desire to pursue a legal career. The statement about reading the newspaper from the back to the front is a stylistic choice, but what does it signify? It might be more impactful to talk about how this habit reflects a methodical approach to gathering information, a trait useful in legal studies.

 

Paragraph 6

 

I can get along with almost anyone, but there are very few people without whom I could not get along. I am giving of my time, but not to the point of forgetting its value. I live for each moment, but not as much as I worry about the next. I consider ambition to be of the utmost importance, but realize that it is useless without the support of hard work. I am a very competitive person, but only when competing with myself. I have a million dreams, but I am more than just a dreamer. I am usually content, but never satisfied. I am a study in contradiction, but there is not an inconsistency to be found.

 

Comments for Paragraph 6

 

Asha (Yale Law School) writes: “Going on and on about how you love being confrontational and argumentative with each and every person in your life is a major red flag for the reader of your file.  It's a character flaw… you suggest to the reader that you are reactive, a poor listener, unable to relate to different perspectives, and that you are generally an unpleasant person to be around (and to have in a class)… a social and administrative (if not academic) nightmare…”

 

Asha highlights the potential pitfalls of portraying oneself as confrontational in a law school application. It’s important to strike a balance, showcasing how you can be assertive yet cooperative, qualities that are essential in the legal profession.

 

In your paragraph, you describe a series of dichotomies that define your character. While it's valuable to acknowledge the complexity of your personality, it's crucial to ensure that these traits are perceived as strengths rather than contradictions. For example, being "giving of your time" can be framed as a testament to your commitment to community service, an admirable trait in the legal field.

 

Rather than labeling yourself as a "study in contradiction," it might be more effective to discuss how your diverse traits synergize to make you a well-rounded and multifaceted individual. This approach will present you as someone who can bring a variety of perspectives and skills to the study of law. The quality of being able to "get along with almost anyone" is indeed important for collaborative work in law. Highlight how this ability has served you in team settings or in leadership roles, possibly through mediation or negotiation scenarios.

 

Your self-competition is a unique angle that could be tied to resilience and self-improvement, both of which are valuable in law school. Explain how this inner drive has propelled you to achieve certain goals or overcome challenges. Lastly, reframing your contentment as a drive for continual growth aligns with the value of lifelong learning in the legal profession. Rather than ending on the note of never being satisfied, you could express a commitment to continuous learning and excellence.

 

Thank you. I look forward to our next Zoom meeting.